That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
