I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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