Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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