Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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