Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well you can't waste a boner
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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