he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
