i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
