my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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