That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
ttyl tear gas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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