I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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