it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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