Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
