I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
