Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
