Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
