i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
