I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
