oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i've created a new STD.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
