i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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