then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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