Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
