he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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