if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
