Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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