Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
