I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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