he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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