people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
