She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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