Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
