thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
