See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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