you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This house was built for laser tag.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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