Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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