the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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