I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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