woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
how drunk are you?
Several
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
