someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
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