smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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