So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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