Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
