True but thats because hes a fetus.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So squirting runs in the family.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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