I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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