for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
