Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
