Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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