Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
