Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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