Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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