I must be too annoying 4 u.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
