I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
